Friday, February 10, 2006

Bad habits die hard

You know the saying that life is like a giant wheel, spinning around. Sometimes you're up, and sometimes you're down. I have to disagree with that saying, because it always make life seem so simple. It's either up or down. That's it. End of story. Deal with it.

OK, I guess I won't be totally disagreeing with it, I just think something else should be added on to that. Try this one for size:

Life, is like a giant wheel, spinning around. Sometimes you're up, and sometimes you're down. Unless, you get stuck in a pothole, in some mud or snow, and there's no traction and grip. In that case you're stuck and you'll be feeling lower than low. In that case, you'd be really really down. I mean, REALLY REALLY down. You're just fucked up. Now that IS life.

The reason I'm saying this crap is because honestly, that's how I'm feeling right now. I've got some personal problems that I have absolutely no idea how to resolve, and the feeling of being utterly useless because of that is the thing that pisses me off the most. I know, I know, I'm not the only one with problems...there are many more other people that are worse off than me blah blah blah...save the speech for someone else will you?

When I was younger, about 5-6 years ago, whenever I was in a similar situation, there was one thing I absolutely know that could make me feel better. Yep, that is taking my mom's Honda Civic and do a 110mph on the highway (She's gonna kill me if she reads about this!!!). In those days, there was this one stretch of new highway connecting Kajang and Putrajaya/Cyberjaya that was just built. Since Putrjaya and Cyberjaya were still uninhabitable during those days, those 3 lane roads were completely empty. So everytime I felt down and out, I'd go out at about 10 at night, fill up the car with 20bucks worth of petrol and just sped along the road, pedal to the metal with the windows down.

When I told my girlfriend, who is now my beloved wife, about that, obviously she flipped out and didn't want me to do anything like that again. Speed kills, apparently. I don't actually buy that, because speed doesn't kill, recklessness and inexperience however, are the main killers. I found that out the hard way. Yep, when I totaled that poor old Honda in 2000. You see, I was only doing 50mph when that happened, and it was my inexperienced in controlling the car as a reaction from the stupid asshole driver in a car next to mine that suddenly swerved into me. Long story short, I went straight into a tree. It was quite miraculous that I survived. Thank god. Speed doesn't kill. Speed is good.

I don't know, I can't explain the feeling I get when I'm going fast. Maybe it's the wind on my face, maybe it's the adrenalin pumping through my vains...I don't know. I guess the closest thing I can think of is when people shove crack up their noses, or maybe when someone gets totally pissed down the pub, all their worries and troubles seem to fade away. That's the one time they can just forget about everything else and be in a state of calmness. And that's exactly how I feel everytime I go for these speed trips, it's such a natural high. It's an added bonus that I won't be puking my intestines out and have a hangover that could slaughter a walrus when i wake up in the morning!

Bad habits die hard. Or should I say, habits die hard. It's 1am in the morning, I can't sleep, I feel like shit, I miss my wife like crazy, and all I want to do is get in my old banger and do some miles on the A11. UNFORTUNATELY, my car is parked in the garage and my housemates car is parked right behind it. This negative energy is building up inside of me, and all I can do is write this stupid post. Woohoo! Lucky me! Seriously, it can't get any worse than this, can it?!?!?!

Let's reiterate.

"Life, is like a giant wheel, spinning around. Sometimes you're up, and sometimes you're down. Unless, you get stuck in a pothole, in some mud or snow, and there's no traction and grip. In that case you're stuck and you'll be feeling lower than low. In that case, you'd be really really down. I mean, REALLY REALLY down. You're just fucked up. Now that IS life."

Life sucks.

4 Comments:

Blogger Jack Red said...

1. You're right. Fuck the "there are people worse off than you" bullshit. That's a load of crap, because your pain is...more PRESSING than theirs. After all, it's yours. No, I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being literal.

2. Idiot drivers next to me are the reason I like to have big brakes and even bigger power, for the utmost in longitudinal mobility.

3. I'm not afraid of speed; it's the stopping that gives me the shakes.

4. At speed, at the limit of what the car, and you, can do, there exists a wonderful reality. All your senses are heightened. The engine roars, even if it's a 1.3L. The air tears over the car's form. The landscape blurs. The past is not only behind you, it's a distant memory. You have to give the car your full attention; anything less means a messy death. It's synergy. You are the car and the car is you. Without it, you're just a guy, mortal, fallible, and trapped in flesh. Without you, it's just a useless, stationary hunk of metal and plastic. It gives you a metal shell and impossible speed, and in return, you bring it to life.

5. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. Perhaps going fast just kicks ass.

8:47 am  
Blogger Jack Red said...

Rental? Hell, no. Japanese rental cars (at least the ones I was exposed to) were absolutely pathetic. That was a Mugen-prepared Honda NSX they loaned me after my accident, when I was still kicking around Japan, trying to settle up with TRD and those buggers. They're nice guys and they needed someone to flog the car for a photo shoot. They didn't even yell at me when they found out what I had been doing with their baby. They just said, hey, sweet.

5:42 am  
Blogger Jack Red said...

Have no fear. Even though they stopped producing the NSX, they're replacing it with *gasp* a new NSX. This is not necessarily a bad thing. In its day, it was easily the best-engineered automobile on the road. Hell, I'd venture to call it the greatest automotive achievement ever. It had reasonable power and great handling. Sure, Lambos and Ferraris could kick the crap out of one, but the NSX had a trick up its sleeve: unlike a Diablo or an F360, it would start every morning.

7:50 am  
Anonymous nad said...

mir, kau balik april ni kita cite pasal bisnes kau. aku rasa mcm boleh je nk join. sori la tak sms pastu msg kat comment ni plak.

2:53 pm  

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