Q & A

I'm a big fan of Top Gear, a TV show mainly about cars presented by a balding fat bloke with no taste, Captain Slow, and a hamster, shown in the UK. I'm also a big fan of the Top Gear magazine, basically the TV show on paper, but with added perks. There's a section on the magazine called Q&A, where they ask celebrities some questions related to cars (obviously).

Since I currently have nothing better to do here at work, as all the licenses for the software I need to use to do my work are taken (thank god for that!), I'm having a go at answering those questions myself.

1. Where do cars rank on your personal scale of all things good?
It comes after my wife and family obviously.

2. Can you tell us how to make donuts?
Erm...to be honest I've never done one. Quite sad eh?

3. You've got all weekend to drive from London to south of France; what's the car and who's in the passenger seat...?
To chill out and enjoy the scenery, definitely a DB9 Volante, top down with my wife at the side. That would be so cool.
To get there as soon as possible, mmm...let me see. An SL55 AMG possibly, just by my self...ooh that would be wicked!!!

4. ...and what's on the stereo?
To chill out, some Coldplay, Joss Stones, John Legends and the likes.
Otherwise, bring on old school stuff. Limp Bizkit, RATM, and Stone Temple Pilots please!

5. Can you tell me the difference between the smell of frying clutch from the smell of burning rubber?
What's the difference smell wise, I can't tell you. What's the difference between the reaction upon smelling a frying clutch and smelling burning rubber, you're usually feeling ecstatic smelling burning rubber, but most probably you're fucked up smelling a frying clutch!

6. What's the fastest you've ever driven?
About 120mph in a 5 series Beemer

7. What one gadget would make life behind the wheel easier for you?
A car with a flying mode to use during traffic jams. I hate traffic jams. It sucks.

8. Does the shape of your genitals affect the way you drive?
I would say, yes it does, for obvious reasons.

9. How much is a litre of petrol?
About an arm and a leg.

10. Who or what caused your worst car crash?
A pothole in the road, and an asshole driver who swerved into mine just to miss the pothole. Oh, and I guess power assisted steering and lack of car control experience.

11. What winds you up most about other drivers?
Inconsiderate and selfish drivers...you get that alot in Malaysia. Sheesh.

12. What's the one piece of advice you'd give to other drivers?
Never assume that you're one of the best drivers in the world. Never ever. Just...don't.

13. Is there one car you'd like to drive before you die?
Pagani Zonda F, among others.




14. Is there a car you're contractually obliged to plug?
I guess, I'm obliged to plug the Lotus Exige S, but I would be absolutely happy to do so. With breathtaking performance, it's the fastest accelerating Lotus ever to come off the production line.

That's more or less it. Feel free to answer them yourselves!

Bad habits die hard

You know the saying that life is like a giant wheel, spinning around. Sometimes you're up, and sometimes you're down. I have to disagree with that saying, because it always make life seem so simple. It's either up or down. That's it. End of story. Deal with it.

OK, I guess I won't be totally disagreeing with it, I just think something else should be added on to that. Try this one for size:

Life, is like a giant wheel, spinning around. Sometimes you're up, and sometimes you're down. Unless, you get stuck in a pothole, in some mud or snow, and there's no traction and grip. In that case you're stuck and you'll be feeling lower than low. In that case, you'd be really really down. I mean, REALLY REALLY down. You're just fucked up. Now that IS life.

The reason I'm saying this crap is because honestly, that's how I'm feeling right now. I've got some personal problems that I have absolutely no idea how to resolve, and the feeling of being utterly useless because of that is the thing that pisses me off the most. I know, I know, I'm not the only one with problems...there are many more other people that are worse off than me blah blah blah...save the speech for someone else will you?

When I was younger, about 5-6 years ago, whenever I was in a similar situation, there was one thing I absolutely know that could make me feel better. Yep, that is taking my mom's Honda Civic and do a 110mph on the highway (She's gonna kill me if she reads about this!!!). In those days, there was this one stretch of new highway connecting Kajang and Putrajaya/Cyberjaya that was just built. Since Putrjaya and Cyberjaya were still uninhabitable during those days, those 3 lane roads were completely empty. So everytime I felt down and out, I'd go out at about 10 at night, fill up the car with 20bucks worth of petrol and just sped along the road, pedal to the metal with the windows down.

When I told my girlfriend, who is now my beloved wife, about that, obviously she flipped out and didn't want me to do anything like that again. Speed kills, apparently. I don't actually buy that, because speed doesn't kill, recklessness and inexperience however, are the main killers. I found that out the hard way. Yep, when I totaled that poor old Honda in 2000. You see, I was only doing 50mph when that happened, and it was my inexperienced in controlling the car as a reaction from the stupid asshole driver in a car next to mine that suddenly swerved into me. Long story short, I went straight into a tree. It was quite miraculous that I survived. Thank god. Speed doesn't kill. Speed is good.

I don't know, I can't explain the feeling I get when I'm going fast. Maybe it's the wind on my face, maybe it's the adrenalin pumping through my vains...I don't know. I guess the closest thing I can think of is when people shove crack up their noses, or maybe when someone gets totally pissed down the pub, all their worries and troubles seem to fade away. That's the one time they can just forget about everything else and be in a state of calmness. And that's exactly how I feel everytime I go for these speed trips, it's such a natural high. It's an added bonus that I won't be puking my intestines out and have a hangover that could slaughter a walrus when i wake up in the morning!

Bad habits die hard. Or should I say, habits die hard. It's 1am in the morning, I can't sleep, I feel like shit, I miss my wife like crazy, and all I want to do is get in my old banger and do some miles on the A11. UNFORTUNATELY, my car is parked in the garage and my housemates car is parked right behind it. This negative energy is building up inside of me, and all I can do is write this stupid post. Woohoo! Lucky me! Seriously, it can't get any worse than this, can it?!?!?!

Let's reiterate.

"Life, is like a giant wheel, spinning around. Sometimes you're up, and sometimes you're down. Unless, you get stuck in a pothole, in some mud or snow, and there's no traction and grip. In that case you're stuck and you'll be feeling lower than low. In that case, you'd be really really down. I mean, REALLY REALLY down. You're just fucked up. Now that IS life."

Life sucks.